Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
In other news, I just burned my penis
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
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