Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
Randomize
