Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
Randomize
