just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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