We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Randomize
