I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
