wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
May the power of my ass compel you!!
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
Randomize
