You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
Randomize
