smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
Randomize
