y did u give ur computer a hand job?
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
