I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
