the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
Randomize