What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
Randomize
