Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
Randomize
