i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
Randomize
