My friends, they love my intelligence
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
Randomize
