Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
Randomize
