I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
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