He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
Randomize
