This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
Randomize