Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
Randomize
