I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
Randomize
