Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
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