Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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