I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
Randomize
