i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
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