So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
bhystjhitsjhtiajielrfrhaug
This is sufficient.
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
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