clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
Randomize
