I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
Randomize
