turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
Randomize
