Pappa wants mamma naked
I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize
