I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
Randomize
