Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
Randomize
