In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Randomize
