My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
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