Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
Randomize
