first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
Randomize
