Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
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