i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
Randomize