I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
Randomize
