I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Will exercising make me less horny?
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