Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
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