I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
No more Irish car bombs ever.
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
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