she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
Randomize
