I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
Randomize
