My hand turned me down
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
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