I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
Randomize
