You did not just play the dead husband card again.
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
they call him Oral-B. enough said
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
