i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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