So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
Randomize
