we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
Randomize
