i mean i cnt help that this campus has the highest STI rate
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
Randomize
