garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Randomize
