I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
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