this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
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