apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
We had sex on a dog bed..
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
It all started with a game of naked twister.
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
Randomize
