he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
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