You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
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