I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
Randomize
