i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
Randomize
