Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
Randomize
