i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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