Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
Quick, to the slutcave!
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
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