I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
Randomize