im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
Randomize
