Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
Randomize
